Yesterday I read this quote that my friend Pollyanna Nowicki posted. I was going to re-post it here right away because I thought it seemed deep and insightful for us creative types. For some reason, I never finished my post.
Today I had a lousy day. One small comment hit me in a sensitive spot and I started to feel pretty low about myself as a filmmaker and cinematographer. Who am I? What am I doing? What’s the point? Is all this effort making any difference? I was drowning in doubt!
I then remembered the quote that I had read yesterday and I suddenly felt uplifted and totally reassured. Which, when you read it, it doesn’t make sense why it would cheer me up. But it did, because I remembered that everyone has their low moments, their times of doubt and an individual will often be their own worst critic – even at the best of times.
I read a quote at the beginning of the year that pointed out that every filmmaker, creative person, visionary, goes through the same process. We all start at the bottom and have to work our way up. We all have to prove ourselves, we all have to polish our skills, we all have to keep our chins up and not let negative comments (or worse doubt) get to you. I found it so inspiring. I suddenly remembered that I wasn’t alone, others have felt the same and that in the end, everything will be fine. So just get over your doubt already and start making films!
I finished writing my first short film script out of film school this week. I was pretty pleased. It took me ages to realise that I had been working on a lot of productions, but wasn’t pushing my own work. So I did it. Now I feel great.
Here’s the quote. I’m glad I didn’t post it yesterday. Because it wouldn’t have meant as much as it does today.
“I don’t believe anyone ever suspects how completely unsure I am of my work and myself and what tortures of self-doubting the doubt of others has always given me.”
― Tennessee Williams
(Cat on A Hot Tin Roof, A Streetcar Named Desire)
Stay tuned for more information regarding my new short film ‘Beehive’.
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Ehran Edwards 